What Does It Mean to Act Like a Man Today?
A reflection on Pastor Joby Martin’s message and how it stacks up against a modern, self-led approach to manhood.
Will You Wake Up 10 Years From Now With Regret?
Have you ever wondered if you’ll wake up ten years from now with regret?
On paper, everything looks good: career, house, family, the life you were supposed to build. But in the quiet moments, you can’t shake the thought: Is this all there is?
That fear isn’t just about success. It’s about manhood. And it’s exactly what Pastor Joby Martin wrestled with in a message at the Act Like Men Conference. His words got me thinking.
Pastor Joby Martin’s Call to Biblical Manhood
Martin argues that biblical manhood is more than cultural stereotypes. He points to three core things God gave Adam in Genesis:
Work to enjoy – Taking responsibility and working with purpose.
A will to obey – Living in alignment with God’s design.
A woman to love – Getting your world in order before seeking a partner.
He warns that many men today are stuck in “adolescence,” chasing the rights of manhood without the responsibility.
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The Overlap: Responsibility, Alignment, and Love
That message resonated. Not because I’m here to preach, but because responsibility, alignment, and love are the very things I work on with men every day.
Responsibility: Dodging ownership is the classic “man move.” I call men forward to stop blaming circumstances and lead from within.
Alignment: Instead of obedience to an external authority, I teach obedience to your own values and purpose. That’s how you build a life you can stand behind.
Love: Not passivity, not control, but love as presence, courage, and strength.
The Moment I Realized Success Wasn’t Enough
For years, firefighting was my identity. It gave me stability, respect, and a clear role in the world. But underneath, I knew I was out of alignment. I was showing up to the job, but not to my deeper calling.
I remember sitting with that truth and realizing: if I kept going this way, I’d wake up a decade later, successful in everyone else’s eyes, but hollow inside.
That’s when I stepped into coaching. It wasn’t safe. It wasn’t guaranteed. But it was real. And in many ways, it became the rite of passage I had to create for myself.
A Modern Path: Responsibility, Values, and Love in Action
Martin has his three points. Here’s mine — practical, modern, and rooted in self-leadership:
Take Responsibility – Stop outsourcing your life. Own it.
Live by Your Values – Build your personal code and use it as your compass.
Lead with Love – Strength is showing up with courage and presence, not passivity.
These aren’t theories. They’re anchors you can build your life on.
Nobody Hands You a Rite of Passage
Nobody’s going to hand you a rite of passage. Not your boss, not society, not even your partner. You’ve got to step into it yourself.
And the truth is, the longer you wait, the stronger regret’s grip becomes.
So ask yourself:
Where am I dodging responsibility?
Where am I out of alignment with my values?
Where am I being passive instead of leading with love?
Because the choice you make now determines the man you’ll wake up as ten years from today.
Start Building Your Self-Led Life Today
If this hit home, I put together the Self-Led Man Starter Kit. It’s a free resource that helps you define your values, set a daily rhythm, and start building clarity and resilience right now.
Reflection Prompt
Take ten minutes today and write: “If nothing changed in my life for the next ten years, what regret would I be carrying?”
That’s where your work starts.
